2. Rescue Squad of Ruby and God

In a small cottage, near the Restaurant of Dilova and the Flickerless Flames of Tresmo, a small catlike creature threw the dice. They landed on the exact numbers he needed to win the game. Again. That power is what caused the Rescue Squad to hire Wilplink in the first place, but they still believed it had to be a trick and they’d unmask him one day.

A massive firebird, bumping her head into the ceiling that had been raised twice already, approached.

“We need a bigger space,” complained Ruby. “This is so … so … I can’t breathe in here!”

Nobody reacted, for their Master started every conversation this way.

“Four casualties last night,” she continued. “Four! Three were drowned by Gulvi’s water magic. We can’t just sit by and watch.”

“And the other one?” asked Wilplink. He threw his drained mug across the room. However unlikely, it avoided the wooden pillars along the way and landed on a shelf without breaking.

“Not important,” said Ruby. “It’s foul! Someone has to step in! Gods can’t just abuse their power to burn a city they don’t like to the ground.”

“Oh please,” said a creature below them. A mole hidden in shadows. “Remind me how we acquired Amor, hmhmhm?”

“The actions of our ancestors do not matter to us,” said Ruby. “They only matter insofar as that we vow to do better. Our ancestors stole Amor from the Trusks, and it was horrible, and many died, and many lost their freedom. I will not let the same happen to Amor again!”

Everyone nodded. They were united in their common cause—The Rescue Squad of Ruby and God—despite their differences.

The Trusks, dear reader, had been a tribe of mostly tusk-wearing animals that settled around the sentient tree Tresmo. They worshipped him, they cared for him, trapped as he was in his cage of fire. They soon became the first advanced civilization this side of the Loveline, even creating their own language. Until the inevitable downfall to the wolves, much to the chagrin of their sloth leader.

“Wilplink,” said Ruby with agitation, “stop showing off and plan our next protest.”

For the first time, the dice landed on the wrong numbers.

“Ugh. So much work,” said the civet cat, otherwise called a Viverra. “I can make things work out for us anyway, whatever we do, why—”

Ruby the firebird turned around inside the cottage and accidentally bumped all crockery off the shelves with her steaming tail.

“That’s it! Mmhmmhmm, find us a larger meeting place!”

The mole, whose name had been perfectly pronounced by Ruby, and was one of the simpler mole names available, dug himself out of the situation.

“I know it’s a lot of effort,” said Ruby more kindly to Wilplink. “I know it’s hard, and thankless, oh so thankless. Did you hear the rumors about us? About the good we do?”

“Stopped listening a long time ago,” mumbled Wilplink. “Couldn’t hear a thing, too, with a bunch of elephants spraying water past my ears.”

“I don’t like it either,” said Ruby, sounding exhausted. Wilplink imagined her massive body would deflate any moment now. “But someone has to stand up for what’s right.”

She turned around again, very, very carefully. Her ears twitched, picking up noise just outside their secret meeting room. Wilplink prepared to have the intruder slip the moment they entered, or maybe, if he was feeling creative, that loose board above the entrance would finally break and fall on the intruder’s head.

The noises died out. Must have been some loud customers for Dilova’s food-place-or-something, Wilplink imagined.

Ruby’s eyes shone. She looked through the tiny window as if peace, freedom and justice were merrily dancing around on the other side.

“Four of ours dead, fighting the gods on our walls. What will it be tomorrow? Ten? Twenty? If anyone can just murder anyone else on the street, how can you ever feel free? Feel safe?”

“I told you,” said Wilplink. “Should’ve just waited. The godchildren fight each other as much as us. Alixader the Giant has been trying to unify all their city states for decades now, without much succes. Last I heard, he was all the way on Garda, trapped in a snow-storm-or-something. They had the support of the ruthless Delja, but not anymore, since their betrayal of Tikidas.”

“We’ve waited long enough!” screamed Ruby, a small firebreath escaping her beak.

Her stomach growled. Wilplink’s growled in response. Platters that had never seen food were shoved off the table, to make space for a large map of Amor. Together, the two of them searched for their next rescue mission, as they waited for their companions to return.

It took a while. Longer than usual. More than a day, in fact. Wilplink started fidgeting and aimlessly rolling dice, while Ruby’s sighs grew in length and number.

“What if the gods have won, and we didn’t notice?” asked Wilplink softly, the first to dare. “What if Boaris has been arrested?”

“Then he should’ve killed himself at first opportunity, before reaching jail, as agreed.”

Wilplink cringed. “Maybe the dungeons aren’t that bad. Whoever wins the war, they might be merciful—”

“As. You all. Agreed.”

Wilplink shut up.

At some point during the night, Mmhmmhmm had burst through the floor and told them he’d found a larger space. Wilplink was half asleep by then, dreaming of the common folk revering him for liberating them, but also, for some reason, of an angry rhinoceros demanding the return of his precious diamonds.

“How large a space, Mmhmmhmm?” asked Ruby.

“Oh please, as if I stayed long enough to measure,” said the mole. “Twice this room, I imagine.”

“Not good enough. Search again. I want this room’s size tenfold, or I fear I’ll never be able to breathe again!”

Ruby heard a noise and suddenly turned to the door, overturning the table and ripping the map with her left wing.

The door opened this time.

A boar walked in. With a frown, his tusks pushed the table back in its place. Then he removed the canvas bag from his back and displayed its contents with many a clang, thud and clink.

His companions had only expected the clink.

“Why on Somnia did you steal papyrus-or-something?”

“Met a chameleon along the way. Really weird guy, but smart. Proposes sending secret messages using the aqueducts.”

“Oh please, are you blind?”

The mole pushed himself onto the table, with effort. They caressed the pile of diamonds and golden coins, rubbing them against his fur and whiskers.

“Boaris, you fool. That what took you so long?” asked Ruby. She yanked the diamonds from Mmhmmhmm’s many-fingered hands to inspect if they were real. This highly scientific test involved looking really closely, trying to crush the diamond by stepping on it, and holding it in firelight to see if a rainbow occurred.

“No. I had to deal with some … particularly inquisitive elephants.”

“They are on to us?”

“They are. The Tattlerat has already spread the rumor. Any more fires will probably be studied more closely—it’s too dangerous now.”

“Then we try something new.”

“What did you do to the elephants?” asked Wilplink.

“I know who they are and where they live. They are not bad beings. Call themselves firefighters. I hope they simply forget about us, as long as we start no more fires.”

“Then you are truly a fool,” said Ruby. She reached into a hole in the wall and came back with a black and green garment. It fit over her feathers and made her otherwise iridescent body near invisible in the night. Confusingly, she insisted on wearing a funny hat that was sure to draw attention, which earned her the nickname Ruby Hat.

As far as criminal gangs go, Wilplink often told himself, this was surely the least professional of all he encountered. And yet, it was far more successful. They had been operating for ten years now, using “accidental fire” as cover, before someone found out.

Ruby took some of the diamonds, which she’d sell for whatever Amor needed to be freed. The remaining spoils were shared equally among the companions.

“I must go,” said Ruby, not allowing any more questions. “Prepare for our next mission. Do not lose faith. And Wilplink, please make the odds in our favor.”

“I’m not a wizard-or-something,” he grumbled. Then he set to work: what other disasters could befall a home, but allow them to steal and get out unscathed and unnoticed?